It's somewhere around 3 p.m. and we are at Karanga camp, which is at 13,106 ft (3,995 m) above sea level. Today we hiked only until lunch, which was about 4-5 hours. It was pretty challenging physically though, as we had to climb up and down the rocks using both hands and legs. At the very end of the climb it got quite steep and I was really tired. Thank God there was an amazing lunch waiting for us!
Today was the first time I was bothered by something since the beginning of the climb 4 days ago. I might as well say it point blank: it all started with a toilet. When I was booking my trip I ordered a private toilet. It seemed like the only way I could survive during the climb and remain a human:) It was not very expensive and I am happy I decided to have it. It's completely okay with me that 7 guys from my climbing group are using it. But it makes me angry when some other people I don't even know, don't only use it without asking, but also leave it dirty... Though what can you do in a camp of may be 50 or more other people? Put a lock on it? Stay on guard there all the time? It's completely out of my control and the only way I could have avoided this, would be not to have ordered the freaking toilet. In this case I would deprive myself of this convenience, but at the same time there would be no need to share it with people who can "abuse" it.
SHARING. This is why I don't like sharing in general. I judge people who "abuse" or "mis-use" or do what they actually want with something I share. Though the question is, why does it bother me? Why is it so important that I allow myself to be triggered by this?
It looks like I feel uncomfortable when I have no control over something that I consider as belonging to me. The truth is that neither I nor anybody else in this world own or have control over anything. We all SHARE everything there is in our lives, but we tend to forget about it. Yes, I had to pay that extra money for the private toilet and I know I can use it any moment I need in the camp. So what if other people are using it? What if they leave it dirty? I can either be annoyed or angry for the rest of the climb, because it's out of my control, or choose not to react this way. And my reaction is something I can control.
Those people are not different from me. I am what they are and they are what I am. Separation is an illusion. And so is abuse. Nobody can abuse me or what I share, if I don't allow myself to be abused.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom".
Viktor E. Frankl
As we were climbing today very slowly, somebody from my group mentioned patience. They referred to how slowly we were moving and the delayed gratification a.k.a. lunch, which was waiting for us at the top. Tomorrow is the Big Day and first we hike for several hours to the camp, rest until midnight and then head towards the summit...
When I think about patience in regard to Mount Kilimanjaro, I start realizing how patient one needs to be to get to the summit. We've already been walking slowly for 4 days. Tomorrow is yet another day before we start the final ascent. If I look at the whole picture and how much preparation, training, putting together all the gear, contemplating it has taken me since November 15th, 2010, I guess I can have a lot of intimidation around reaching the summit and fear that I might not be able to do it. It feels as if I am finally about to reach my goal and get what I wanted for so long, but I am not sure it will happen.
I am convinced that we are born with our dreams. And that we don't own them, but they are given to us to bring into life. Therefore we shouldn't identify ourselves with them. When we do our best, it's already precious and as important as realizing a dream. In fact, it's possible to live one's life like this every day.
Being present in our own life every day, doing our best is similar to realizing a dream. By doing this we reach our summit again and again, with every breath we take. In this case patience comes naturally, because we don't wait for anything or anybody. We are happy with what we have and where we are right now.
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