Home

First of all I must say that I simply LOVE SKIING! I had such a wonderful trip to Whistler, Canada! No words can express the beauty of sliding down a mountain, knowing that all you have to do is to control your legs and the snow will take you exactly where you need to be:) I took a full day ski lesson with an instructor on Tuesday and then successfully practiced by myself on Wednesday. Thursday was my last day and in the morning a friend and I went riding on snowmobils (yet another wonderful thrill!) and in the afternoon I took a half day lesson and was able to ski down green and partly blue trails. Because of all the hiking I had done, my legs were very strong, but it took me some time to make them listen to me. Once they got what was required of them, I didn't need to "talk" anymore, just allow myself to be in the peaceful white silence. I found skiing very meditative and calming. Yet it's such a great workout! I am so glad I went on this spontaneous trip:)






It is almost midnight and I am feeling tired. Tired in a very sweet way. I also managed to go to my friend's birthday party somewhere in between my arrival, packing, final preparation and blogging. I still need to do a couple of little things and 5 hours after I will wake up and will head to the airport.

How do I feel? As I was driving home around 10:30 p.m. having met with wonderful people at my friend's birthday and having heard encouragement and blessings from them, having talked to other friends on the phone and via all other means of communication, I was cherishing a very warm feeling in my heart. The song of Carla Bruni "La possibilite d'une ile" was beautifully enveloping all my senses and it really felt like "a moment in which there exists a possibility for an island". It is a feeling of being home exactly where I am right now.

I feel very present and whole. My hands and legs are a bit sore from skiing and my mind is a bit tired, but my heart is completely alert and full of grace. My packed bags are peacefully standing on the floor beside me and some other things are still scattered around waiting to be carefully packed. I polished my toe nails with my favorite cherry-red nail-polish. I will be the only one who will know that they look very pretty inside my hardcore hiking boots. I will put them on tomorrow morning, as well as the warmest pants I have and a cute fur vest on top of a sweater to keep me warm during the 25-hour flight to Tanzania. My bagpack is completely packed for the trekking, so I don't even have to worry if my luggage gets delayed or lost. Everything I need I am taking with me on board, including the delicious buffalo jerky and chocolate:)

In the past I used to care how my words look and whether my thoughts are worth expressing, but I don't seem to care about it anymore. I am expressing myself freely and I don't care if this writing means anything or not.

What I do care about is that I am on a wonderful journey with my best friend. Myself:) It's been so significant to get to know myself and to become my own friend. Somebody I trust, believe in, respect and love. Like everybody else I have my moments, but I learnt to accept and appreciate myself no matter what. I love to be around myself!:) I know how it might be perceived selfish at times. To be honest, I have never been so present, attentive and empathetic with other people like I am these days. When I look into someone's eyes, I see so much wonder, possibilities, learning opportunities and desire to love and be loved. I recognize their beauty and intelligence. I truly enjoy to be there for them.

Every time I look into someone's eyes I feel there is a possibility for an island, for creating a feeling similar to that of BEING HOME. This is the highest peak I've ever been to and this is where I would like to take everyone, into whose eyes I look.

I've been drawn to Kilimanjaro like to a magnet for more than 2 years. And finally, I am going there. My intention is to fully embody my experience, to breathe in the melting air of tropics at the bottom of the mountain and the ruthless cold at the summit. My intention is to be gentle and supportive to myself and other people in my group. My intention is to be present with every step I will take. My intention is to embrace the mountain with my heart as a symbol of my wonderful life, full of adventure, amazing experiences, endless gratitude and eternal love.

Stepping out of my comfort zone

There is so much comfort in driving along the same street listening to the same music! A deep feeling of familiarity is sweetly spreading in my chest with every sound of a piano variation on the Kanon by Johann Pachelbel performed by George Winston. As I am driving on Oakwood St. all the way from La Cienega until I turn left on Citrus and continue on Rosewood to cross Highland at the convenient street-light and find myself in a quiet corner of Hancock park area where I've lived for the past 2.5 years. It's longer than I lived anywhere else in this country since I came here in August 2006 from Moscow, Russia.

I just dropped off my visiting girl-friends at the Beverly Center and got back home to finish up some things and to prepare a little Marilyn Monroe tour for them. Later this afternoon we will be driving along the places where she used to live in Los Angeles. I like to share with my friends my love and appreciation for this beautiful woman...

As I was driving home I suddenly started praying "Please God, help me with everything. Make sure that everything goes smoothly before and during my trip to Kilimanjaro!" Now that my physical preparation is officially over and the only thing left to do is to pack my gear/clothes into a duffel bag and a day-pack, I decided that there is no need to sit at home the whole next week and wait for the day of my departure on Saturday, January the 22nd. I took on my friends' offer to join them for skiing in Whistler, Canada. I am flying to Vancouver on Monday morning and coming back on Friday evening, just in time to catch a breath, change clothes and fly to Tanzania.

I simply couldn't help stacking up my trips! No matter how safe and practical I like to be in my life, when the wind of adventure is calling me, I show up willingly. It didn't stop me that I never skied before and that it's not the safest kind of sport. Nor did I consider a possibility of a return flight's delay, if the weather changes its mood. And I think this is excatly what makes me feel very alive right now. Very alive, present and happy. I feel like I am living my dream. That I manifested everything I've ever wanted and now I simply need to embrace it without any doubts or concerns.

Being me

Well, tomorrow is oficially the last day of my physical preparation for Kilimanjaro. And it is also my birthday. They suggest that it is better to stop training 2 weeks before the climb in order to let your body rest. I am really very excited about resting these days:)


This week has been challenging for my training, because I was in Las Vegas with my friends for 4 days and didn't have the usual opportunity to hike in my favorite Griffith Park. Therefore I "hiked" along the Strip for 5 hours 2 days in a row! I must tell you that those were some of the most strenuous hikes I've ever had! At least my legs and feet were in ridiculous pain and my eyes wished they were looking at a more natural and spiritually enriching landscape... I still got a chance to get out and go to Redrocks, 30 minutes away from the city of vanity and hiked for another couple of hours along the ancient Indian camp-sites. A beautiful treat for the soul:)

Today my 3 visiting girl-friends went on a tour to San Diego, while I stayed home and have enjoyed simple things, like sleeping in, going for a short run, going out for breakfast with a friend, polishing my nails and now making this entry in my blog. Such a peaceful and beautifully uneventful day! A friend of mine called and asked what I would like for a birthday present, thinking that I might still need something for Kilimanjaro trip. I told her that I have prepared and packed pretty much everything and the only thing I am missing is a mascara for eye-lashes. She started laughing at the thought that I might want to use a mascara during my climb:) Of course, I won't! Therefore it is something I can use before and after the climb:) Nor will I need polished nails or lipstick or even a shampoo or body cream. There will be no showers, very little water and it will be freaking cold. This is probably the reason why I am the only woman in a group of 8 people. Having had 3 girl-friends staying with me for the past 2 weeks, now I realize more than ever that the absence of an opportunity to beautify herself is catastrophic for a woman. Not taking a shower for 7 days is more so. Not being able to pee in a restroom any time the need comes is terrifying even for me...

But I don't care nonetheless:) I am not going to climb Kilimanjaro to impress anybody, including myself. I don't need to parade it or to seek acknowledgement for it. I just feel happy that I had this strange dream which felt so good that I found it in me to pursue it. I am proud that I am allowing myself to follow my heart, no matter how far, deep or high it will take me. I am trusting myself. I really trust that I know what I need and that I am able to take care of myself in any situation. There is so much peace and comfort I am feeling inside me, as well as gratitude for simply BEING ME.

Tomorrow I am turning 33. 2 weeks from tomorrow I will start climbing Kilimanjaro for 7 days with 7 men. I am blessed to have the most amazing friends in my life. I am the happiest person alive, because I have been creating a Spiritual Counseling career, my ultimate heart's calling with which I am able to help people at a very deep level. Even though I don't have a relationship at this moment and my future is very obscure, my heart is full of love, gratitude, peace, joy and happiness. I am happy to be alive and I am happy to be me, just the way I am.

P.S. Of course, I need an eye-lash mascara! I am a woman after all:)

HOLLYWOOD 1-11-11

Does anybody blog on January 1st at all? Or is everything closed?:) Well, I did go for a hike with my friends today, so I figured I might as well make an entry in my blog.

Today we hiked to the Hollywood sign and it turned out to be the most challenging trail I've ever been on. My friends and I decided not to follow most of the tourists to a safe spot close to the sign to take pictures. We climbed further up, which felt more like crawling. I was very committed to carry my 20-pound backpack with me, and now and then it would get stuck somewhere between sharp branches of frequent bushes, push me towards the ground or drag me backwards. I thought that this is what it must be like during unpredictable Kilimanjaro climb. When we were almost a hand away from the sign, a mysterious voice from a speaker warned us: "It's enough. You can stop now. You are tresspassing and should go back". We did pass a couple of cameras along the trail and it was obvious that somebody must have been watching us while we were trying to get closer to the sign.

Even though I have lived in Los Angeles for 4 years, I have never been that close to the famous Hollywood sign. We couldn't help taking more and more pictures, being excited at the closeness of the symbol of dreams coming true. Isn't it what every New Year's day is for? 10 minutes into taking photos we heard the mysterious voice again, which proved we were not hallucinating, but really hearing it. "You should go back right now, I am warning you for the last time. Happy New Year!"

We retreated and started climbing down. At some point it was not clear which path to take and I volunteered to go down first. As I slowly descended to the next step while girls were waiting for me, I realized that I am pretty much hanging above the hill with only loose dirt under my feet and my hands holding on to some tree branches. It was the wrong path and there was nothing underneath. My backpack was holding me down and I couldn't fathom climbing up to where I came from. F***!


Pretty much hanging out there on loose dirt I felt pretty calm for someone who never did it before. I just thought that I am learning to survive under extreme circumstances and should now act appropriately. I got on my knees and grabbing the branches, started pulling myself up towards my worried friends. 3 minutes later I was safe and dirty.

The excitement in my heart didn't go away. I felt very adventurous, brave and strong. There was nobody on this obscure trail with a 20-pound backpack and nobody who almost fell off the hill. I knew that I didn't have to push myself so hard, it sort of happened on its own, while I was following where I wanted to go. But this little experience made me convinced that I am ready for the Kilimanjaro climb, which will start 24 days from now. I have been training for almost 3 months and I am stronger than I have ever been, even after the wild New Year's party and champagne in the morning!

It was so beautiful to get closer to the symbol of dreams coming true on the New Year's day. Every wish I have ever made on this day was "Let all my dreams come true!" So it was twice as symbolic.

I am so blessed to have 3 wonderful girl-friends visiting me from Moscow for the holidays and my upcoming birthday! I always feel that my friends are angels who surround me everywhere I go. I can feel them in my heart very strongly. I am, grateful to the Universe for each and every friend I have or will have. And from the bottom of my heart I am sending them my warmest wishes for the coming 2011! As well as to all other people who are in my life. It is such a wonderful experience to be a human and to live this life in a body and to be able to do all these amazing things. I am joyfully and lovingly embracing my friends and this beautiful world, a wonder of a human life unfolding in its own time and space, unveiling to me who I really am and letting me simply BE... Happy New 2011 Year! Love and Light:)